Ever have a piece of clothing or some other item that was so
comfortable you forgot it was on?
Mine is this great pair of sunglasses I have. They even have
bifocals, so I don’t even need to take them off to read. I’ll have them on and
I’ll be inside not realizing they are making things darker and a bit distorted.
I’ll won’t even know they are on and I’ll be straining to see something that
someone is pointing out. If I realize
and I take them off, I not only see what someone was trying to point out, but I’ll
also see all kinds of things in the room I had no idea were there. And the day
will just brighten right up. More options. More doorways to walk through. More interesting
things to look at.
This first happened
(and continues to happen) for me with sobriety (first physical, now emotional) and
my ability to have a relationship with reality. For so long I had no idea those
glasses were even on. And I didn’t even
know what I didn’t know. Here I am trying to see something when I’m inside
and I’m straining to read it forgetting completely I had shade over my eyes. And
there were many years I needed that shade; the world was a bit too bright for
me. They protected me. And then there were times where I participated in a
variety of addictions to stay comfortable enough to not notice I was in the
dark. When it wasn’t alcohol anymore sometimes it was food, my story of being a
victim, my routines or rigidity, and even my inability to see another perspective
that may be more aligned with reality than my own.
Now I’ve had enough experience to know I ALWAYS need to
question whether those glasses are stuck on. When they are, I either feel numb
and depressed or I feel fear and the need to hide. When they come off, I see I
am safe. I’m not stuck. Things flow. I am ok and I don’t need to meddle in everything
to make it turn out. It’s going to be what it’s going to be. And maybe, just
maybe the universe is working for me, not against more often than not. I practice
hope and love more comfortably than I practice fear and control. I feel peace. I
feel content and the answers I’m often running around searching for are there.
Right there in me. The whole time.
It’s like those ruby slippers Dorothy went on that whole
crazy adventure to find, you know the ones she had the whole time? So maybe it’s
not a fairy tale. For me, I’m finding I have them. And I’m realizing I have had
them whole time while I was looking in all those crazy places. Thing is, I need
to remember they might be hard to see. Luckily for me, it used to be glimpses
and now, thank God, I’m starting to have enough experience with the glasses off
to know they are there. That safety, peace
and contentment is right there in me. And as long as I stay brave and aware
enough to keep those glasses off, I’ll stay in the light and those ruby
slippers will be right there in front of me.
